The Brutal Beauty of Bearing the Cross
The closer we get to God, the more difficult our lives become because a life in Christ stands in direct contrast to the world. We weren’t meant to be “happy” as the world defines it, or to live a carefree or prosperous life; we’re not supposed to fulfill our worldly dreams or “have all the things”; we won’t be walking on air or “being on fire” for Jesus the way some converts feel. No, too often, this feeling is deceptive; it’s the initial high before the reality settles in—many don’t get past the high.
Following Christ is painful; taking up our cross is traumatic and vicious and beautiful in the same breath—imagine how Jesus felt when He carried His. The days spent content and at peace will be rare. We should worry if we find ourselves in such a state too often outside of Christ’s love.
Why?
Because the closer we get to God and the more we love Christ, the closer we want to get and the more we want to love Him.
We start to see the world for what it is, and truth is a heavy burden to carry. We understand how sinful we are and will always be; it pains us because we want to be free from it, yet we can’t. We will feel dirty each time we sin, and the filth of our sins will cause us anguish. We will feel weak and worthless in those times, and even when we confess and feel the Blood of Christ cleanse us, that relief lasts only long enough until we sin again. It’s a dirtiness that cannot be washed off; we’ll scrub our flesh until it’s raw, red, and bleeding, but it will always be there. A stain buried beneath layers of shame. Because although God forgives us, we cannot forgive ourselves.
The closer we get to God and the more we love Christ, the heavier the weight of lost souls presses upon us. We no longer look down on sinners or point fingers; instead, our hearts break for them. Anger fades, replaced by sorrow and a deep sense of helplessness. Turning the other cheek becomes second nature, and as our pride diminishes, we feel lighter.
The closer we get to God, the further away from this world we will become. We want and need less; we reject and shun material things; we see money as a tool to help others rather than to feed our worldly addictions. We no longer seek the approval of others but work and pray for the approval of God.
Following Christ is much more than walking on air after committing one’s life to Him; it’s more than wearing our Jesus badge for everyone else to see. Following Christ is both blissful and excruciating, freeing and confining, a victory and a war all at the same time. If we feel one more than another, we might not be as close to God as we think.
The closer we get to God, and the more we love Jesus, the more like Him we want to be. Nothing will be about us anymore.
Me, me, me. Who am I? That person I see in the mirror every morning used to tell me how I should look, who I should be, how important I was, how special, and even how useless and unattractive. But now, she’s a shadow on the wall behind me. I don’t see her much anymore because the Light of Christ is too bright in my life. I want to be like He Who sustains me; I want to be like He Who loves me more than anyone in this world ever can. I want to please Him and praise Him and love Him and Him, Him, Him! Not me.
But…where did He go?
He was just here a moment ago…
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