The Grateful Journal Series
I’ve had plenty of prayers answered, no doubt about that, but I’ve probably had twice as many left unanswered. And I’m grateful to God because He knows what’s best for us. He knows there will be many things we ask of Him that either don’t align with His plans or would harm rather than help us.
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
James 4:3
Oddly enough, the unanswered prayer that comes to mind the most for me is the same as the most extravagant prayer He did answer.
In 2012, God made my dream come true in a way that still makes my jaw drop whenever I think about it. I talked about that in a previous Grateful Journal episode. After that book hit the bestsellers lists and I made more money than I ever thought I’d see in my lifetime, I continued to pray about every book I wrote after that. I prayed they would be bestsellers like the first one that put me on the literary map. However, sales continued to decline after a few book deals with a traditional publisher and a few that I chose to self-publish.
I prayed harder. I pleaded with God, sometimes tearfully. But my books never made the lists again. I became so depressed and felt so let down not only by my readers and myself but also by God. I accused Him of playing a sick joke on me, even though in my heart, I knew God would never do something like that. But I still felt slighted. I felt like a failure. Year after year went by, and not only did my books hardly sell, but I also lost my passion for writing. The one thing I loved to do more than anything had finally lost its appeal. And then, so did everything else in my life. Because I loved to write, it was the only thing I had—I thought—that never let me down since I was very young. Writing was my escape, my safe place, where I was never lonely and where I went when the struggles of everyday life became too much. What would I do without the passion and love for writing? What or who would love me back and make me feel less lonely?
Jesus Christ, that’s Who.
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