A Man’s Worth Isn’t Measured by How Many Women He Corrects
“The words of a wise man’s mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself.”
Ecclesiastes 10:12 (KJV)
I know that my experience isn’t going to be everyone’s, so please don’t take offense and accuse me of saying “all” men on Substack. For the record, I am not talking about any man who hasn’t done anything I’m about to describe, which, thankfully, I believe is the vast majority.
And I also know that not “all” women on Substack—probably not even most of them, either—have experienced this. I imagine I’m one of few (I hope so, anyway, or the problem is worse than I thought). I have a strange knack for attracting rude, troubled men who, for some reason, like to use me to show everyone how superior, intelligent, and wise they are. I’m not sure why, but I am a magnet for hate, bullying, and abuse by men—I always have been. I breathe the wrong way, and a man appears in front of me as if by magic—poof!—ready to tell me how I should breathe, never with kindness but outright smugness and contempt.
Again, I’m not talking about all men, and I’m certainly not a feminist man-hater.
So, with that said, let me explain what prompted this response.
I remember my days on Twitter, MySpace, and MSN chat (the latter was lovely and still fills me with nostalgia). Each had their own challenges, but there was one thing all three had in common: the typical arguments, disagreements, and even a bit of bullying, but it was nothing out of the ordinary.
The thing is, though, I really can’t recall ever having any issues with men, in particular, on these platforms. They, for the most part, left me alone, were kind and respectful, and “stayed out of it” when women were having public spats. And they certainly never started spats with women, either. Of course, that’s not to say it never happened, but it didn’t with me, which is the point.
I grew up in the South, and I’ve always thought of men this way—except those I was in toxic relationships with, but this article is not about that. I’m referring to other men, men I hardly knew or didn’t know at all; men who might’ve been a family friend or even a relative—they stayed out of whatever it was. They were respectful and, quite frankly, too smart and composed to stoop to the petty level many of the women I knew were—even myself at times. I never knew men, in person or online, to go out of their way to verbally attack, ridicule, or shame a woman, especially if those women were strangers.
This whiplash change began for me in the past two years and started on my YouTube channels, one of which was targeted toward women—it says it in my YouTube bio. Men were welcome, of course, but the channel was primarily geared toward women. Why so many men felt the need to argue with me, put me down, or tell me what I was doing wrong is a mystery to me.
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