When Feeling Inadequate & Unqualified
For so long, I believed I had to be as knowledgeable as the Christian authors whose books I’d read or as well-versed in the Bible as the pastors whose sermons I’d listened to. I thought that if I wanted to write a book or start a YouTube channel about my personal experiences with God and prayer and church and faith, I had to know all the right Bible passages to quote on a whim, all the character stories in the Bible whose lives fit that of my own experiences. I thought I had to know the answers to all the most challenging questions that unbelievers typically ask (“If God created the universe, then who created God?” and “How do you explain dinosaurs?”). I felt like I had to instantly believe all the same things that other Christians believe without questions, doubts, differing opinions, or interpretations.
But that’s not true.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
Because my personal experiences are just that—mine, and I learn and grow in God’s Word at my own pace, through my own tailored journey with God and no one else. Just as you do. As far as believing what other Christians believe, well, not all Christians are true believers; not all of them preach biblical truths; not all of them know God; therefore, it’s a good thing I didn’t dive in head first into the beliefs and teachings of many of the pastors or churches whose messages I came across in the past. It’s a good thing I’ve always been a skeptic, and I rarely, if ever, took people at their word, especially on important matters like faith and the existence of God. It’s a good thing I’ve almost always been an independent thinker, not often swayed by the opinions and beliefs of others without doing my research. It’s a good thing—sometimes—that I’ve always been opinionated, ready, and willing to call out deception and error, and yes, especially when I’m the one in error. When I’m wrong, I’ll be the first to point it out—guilt and I are not good friends.
So often, I’ve felt intimidated, in over my head, pressured, or too opinionated to be a real Christian woman. Unfortunately, I’ve not lived a traditional Christian life; I wasn’t given the opportunity to marry a godly man at a young age and be a traditional Christian wife. Instead, I took the hard route, the one paved in mostly self-induced hardship, darkness, trial, error, and pain, and I’ve learned that God let me go through the many trials I’ve faced so that I could later—well, now—help other women by reaching out to them, using my experiences. He gave me this straightforward personality, analytical eye, passion for justice, and creative mind for a reason—because He wants me to use it.
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