My Greyhound horror story started days before I even boarded the bus for Chicago. I purchased my round-trip ticket online. It was a few days before I was to leave and I drove to the station one morning before work to pick up my ticket. It was a little after 8:00a.m and when I got there I was surprised to see that there were no employees in the building, the lights were off and there was a keep-out-the-likely-robbers gate around the front desk. Hmmm, the sign said they open at 5:00a.m, so where the hell was everyone? Ok, so technically there were people in the station, but they did not work there and by the looks of them they were not passengers, either. I’ll be up front; they were crack heads and maybe a few homeless men taking up residence inside the station. They watched me eerily as I walked through the room and this made me extremely uncomfortable. The station was humid and sticky and it stank horribly like…well, like drunks and body funk. :-S

I left. Without my ticket.

When I got home I called Greyhound (their main headquarters, or whatever) to complain and to find out why there were no employees to print my ticket. I was upset, knowing I had purchased a non-refundable ticket and that I was going to have to go back to that awful station and wait an hour or more in it before I could board my bus and get the hell out of there. I expressed my concerns about being mugged and made it quite clear that if anything happened to me that I’d sue the shit out of them.

After I hung up I immediately called the station I had just left and after several minutes of busy signals and no answers, a girl finally answered. Her excuse for not being there was that she left to get breakfast at Mc Donald’s. Really? Must be nice to just leave like that whenever you want to during business hours and there be absolutely no one to pick up your slack.

Anyway, we had words and she was rude and I was rude back.

The night of my leave:

I was to board my bus at 1:10 a.m so I had to be there an hour early. My brother took me and we waited outside in the parking lot forever, and during our wait we were approached by a pimp/crack head/drug dealer! He kept coming up to the car window and I was so scared I just wanted to get out of there. Where were the security guards? Where were the cops? This place was crawling with EVIL! We watched a drug deal happen right there in front of the bus station, which once again was devoid of employees save two strange guys that seemed to like talking to the pimp. :-| Anyway, it was after 2:00a.m before my bus finally got there and when I got on I was forced to sit for two hours to Memphis with two drunks directly behind me, constantly saying extremely loud ‘motherfucker this’ and ‘motherfucker that’. They smelled so bad that I could have vomited if I let myself breathe like a normal person.

Then there was my bus driver, who like just about every Greyhound bus driver I’ve ever had the displeasure of being driven by, couldn’t seem to drive without swerving. Needless to say I did not sleep a wink from Little Rock all the way to Chicago. I guess if I was going to die in a fiery bus crash I wanted to watch it happen? I don’t know, but I couldn’t sleep and that was the longest 13 hour ride, ever.

{INSERT HAPPY CHICAGO TIMES HERE}

I dreaded getting back on a Greyhound to go back to Little Rock and I almost spent my car payment money to buy an Amtrak ticket instead. In fact, for a long time I was dead set on going home by train as I refused to step foot on another bus. When it came down to it, I knew I didn’t have the money and that I needed to stick it out (if I lived on the way back) and get it over with. Brian and I went to the Downtown Chicago station an hour before I was to board and once again, before I even got on things were awful. I stood in line forever to check my bags as the customer service woman talked on and on with two girls about everything but tickets and such. She didn’t care that people were waiting in line. Finally when it came my turn, she was just rude in general; the way she hardly looked at me when I spoke to her, how she wrinkled her nose when I asked her what gate I needed to board at. She didn’t even verbally answer my question, but rather stuck my ticket in front of me after writing my gate number on it. I wanted to smack that woman.

It got worse.

As Brian and I were sitting down and waiting on my bus to arrive, the same customer service woman was being so rude and nasty to an Asian lady because the Asian lady could not understand English. It was really sad because that poor woman was so distraught and upset that the Greyhound lady was being so horrible to her. At that point I was fuming! I was so close to walking up to that woman and telling her fat ass off.

Unsurprisingly, my bus was over an hour late. When I made it to Memphis again, I had to switch buses and ended up with a grouchy bitch for a driver that was as rude as the customer service woman in Chicago.

I’ve explained enough and won’t go into detail about what she did and said to me and other passengers, but I think I’ve summed it all up.

So that’s my story. I will never ride a Greyhound bus again for anything. I hate to say it, but Greyhound is truly the international travel for crack heads, loudmouths and other people like them. The stations are nasty. The buses are nasty. The bus drivers (most of those I’ve encountered anyway) are horrible with people, rude, falling-asleep-at-the-wheel, threatening and thoughtless. Their schedules are whacked out with layovers as long as 6 hours or more, overcrowded buses, rude passengers that want to take up both seats and will make it known they don’t want you sitting next to them.

It’s a horrible way to travel.

Enough said.

I’m watching The Smoking Gun – The World’s Dumbest (one of my favorite shows) and they’re doing the world’s dumbest shoppers. Of course, they’re showing all the real footage of crazy Black Friday shoppers, which really proves just how idiotic the whole thing is. Amidst my laughing my ass off at these stupid people dehumanizing themselves for cheap (and I mean cheap in the way of crappy) laptops (with 2 GB’s and Winders Yuppy 6) and $6 toasters, I am also disgusted as much as I am humored.

I have never gotten up at the crack of dawn to stand in line at a lame department store for anything and I never will. It’s ridiculous! Have you seen these crazy people trampling other human beings as they squeeze their way through packed doors and several hundred people for a few bucks off some stupid product? What, was it last year or the year before when a Walmart employee was KILLED by a stampede of frickin’ shoppers?

Heeeellll no!

Let me just let you in on a few secrets, which shouldn’t be secrets at all, really. #1…

(Hold on, I’m still watching this crazy shit. Geez! This store looks like the mosh pit at a Pantera concert! For a PS3! I love gaming, but this is stupid.)

Anyway, #1…you don’t really want to buy electronics from a department store (any electronic device I’ve ever purchased from a certain ‘ruler of the retail world’ has had something wrong with it), especially things like computers. A $200 laptop is guaranteed to be a piece of shit. Trust me. #2…

(Oh, now it’s the insane wedding dress shoppers. This is something I’ve never understood. I mean sure, a $6,000 wedding dress for $200 is a steal, but these women are nuts! They picked the racks clean in under a minute! Lame. You’re going to wear that dress once. Once! Is it really worth all that? No.)

#2…The amount of stress you put your body through during the shopping madness shortens your life by 2 years! Not to mention, why would anyone want to risk life and limb for a deal? Chances are you’ll end up spending the money you saved (and more) on the hospital bill later. #3…The price you pay for the stuff (sale or not) is triple compared to what the store actually pays for it. Can you imagine how crappy and cheap that $200 laptop really is? Do the math. You don’t see Alienware computers marked down to $200 and there’s a reason for that.

So that’s my rant for today. I will wait until the stores are clear of psychotic people and when I can take the time to shop for things the people in my life might really like and find good deals. And I can do this all without being trampled, or threatened to have my throat cut if I don’t give up the last Bratz doll. But before I go let me say to all of you people out there that do intend to shop in the morning: you can still be human if you stop when someone gets knocked over and help them up, rather than pretending you don’t see them and running over their head as you go about your merry, crazed way.

~steps off her soap box~

It’s 8:10a.m and I’m just killing an hour before I have to go to work. I still need to mop my floors. Two of my kids are sick today and so they stayed home from school, though they are out the rest of the week anyway for Thanksgiving. Tomorrow I’ll turn 34. Guh! That means next year I’ll be 35 and in 6 years I’ll be 40! Ahhh! But with all seriousness, that scares the shit out of me. :-( I NEED TO GET DIRTY EDEN PUBLISHED! It’s down to the grind now and I will be doing whatever I need to do to get this cursed book rolling. That means shameless begging and plugging, kicking a few uncooperative asses, threats that involve the use of sporks and greasy French fries and maybe even me in a cat suit scaling one of those New York agent buildings to plant my manuscript on a desk with an Approval stamp on it.

OK, maybe not so much a cat suit, but you get the idea.

Yes, I’m still going to submit to agents. I guess it’s a necessary evil, so I’m sucking it up and am going right back into the belly of the beast. For now…. (I talk a lot of shit when I’m thoroughly upset – don’t mind me.)

They say most writers publish their first book in their 30’s. Let’s see if ‘they’ really know what they’re talking about.

Hmmm, let’s see. I’m just babbling this morning. I could tell my Greyhound horror story since it’s technically not in the same happy Chicago post, but I think I need more than 30 minutes to word it right and all, to give you the full horrific effect. So, I’ll save that blog for next time.

I can’t wait to go to Whole Foods this weekend to get some sushi and one of my new favorite drinks that I can’t remember the name of (Brian?). And I need to go to the AT&T store to get a new battery for my Blackberry. Why am I telling you this? Because, like I said before I’m killing an hour before I have to go to work.

~sigh~ One more day of work this week and I’m out for Thanksgiving, too. I need to get some writing in! I need to get my queries ready again and start submitting, while at the same time writing in my YA werewolf novel and on the side reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Yep. Much to do.

Now the energy to do it….