It’s been a heartbreaking week for me and my family. My step-dad, Gary, died in the early morning hours of Monday, March 28, 2011 of a heart attack. We buried him yesterday in the same cemetery my grandparents and great-grandparents were buried – Higden McLehaney Cemetery in Higden, Arkansas. We’re all pretty devastated. I wanted to post a blog in his memory, so I’ll include the words I wrote about him, which were read at the funeral services, by my aunt Teana (and she did a wonderful job) and they describe him best, I think.

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Gary Holmes was an extraordinarily caring, friendly and generous man. He would do anything he could to help his family and friends, never asking anything in return and always with warmth. He loved to laugh, in fact, his laugh was infectious and he had an unforgettable smile. You could be in the worst mood and somehow he could soften that mood, even if just a little bit, without realizing he was doing it. Gary loved scuba diving, playing tennis and watching Razorback football with his best friend Steve, riding his motorcycle and going on trips with his wife, whether to Florida , or Branson. He enjoyed watching the SyFy Channel and listening to classic rock n’ roll. He was a hard-working Orkin man and even his customers loved him; some regularly baked him cookies and he’d of course eat them before he got home to his wife, because being a stubborn diabetic, he knew he wasn’t supposed to be eating them. Just like he wasn’t supposed to hide chocolate in his bedroom drawers!

He loved animals – would take in any stray if it came up to his door – and especially loved Shane’s dog named Man-Man. Man-Man was Gary’s buddy! Gary would give the shirt off his back to a stranger and never said a bad word about, or to anyone. He hardly ever complained about anything and even when things were not-so-good, Gary had a way of staying in high spirits and have a positive attitude. He loved his grandchildren and was so excited to hear about each of them being born.

Gary was Baptized at Calvary Baptist Church in North Little Rock at a young age. He coached girls’ softball when his daughters, Laura and Kimberly, were younger. He was a loving husband, father, brother, step-father and friend to many, including two loving daughters, eight grandchildren and three very grateful step-children who thought of him as their true dad. He was married to his wife Kitty for eleven wonderful years.

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I made a slide-show of various photos of him we used at the funeral also and wanted to include it here since I uploaded it to You Tube.

We will love and miss you always, but we will definitely laugh and smile a lot more because of you….

Watching Harry Potter again on Family Channel – they can play it a hundred times and I never get tired of it – Anyway, I am reminded how badly I’ve wanted to get some Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans for a long time. So, I head on over to Amazon, only to be disappointed. Sure, there’s one tiny 3oz. bag  for close to $30 bucks, but I’m not that into vomit-flavored jelly beans. eBay? The place that has everything from the practical to Jesus toast? Nope. I CAN’T FIND THEM ANYWHERE! Went straight to Jelly Belly, typed ‘Harry Potter’ in their search and this is what I get (click image for full view):

What sort of disturbs me, however, is that Jelly Belly does not recognize the term ‘Harry Potter’, but seems more familiar with Hairy Powder™ (I’ve claimed it! Hands off!). They have a ‘new’ brand of ‘fun-flavored’ jellybeans called Bean Boozled, but sorry, they are not Bertie Bott’s. *sigh*

So, my quest to find this iconic candy seems to have ended in failure. It’s a shame really, because technically, the Harry Potter films have not quite yet come to an end. I say the general rule should be to at least wait 1 year after the hype has finally come to a close before closing the curtains on everything.

I watched my cousin die today and I am numb because I don’t think the reality of watching someone die, especially a family member, has worked itself out in my mind completely yet.

I got a call early this morning from my mom. She told me that Buckey accidentally shot himself in the head around 5:00a.m. and that he was in the hospital. When we got to the hospital, he was still in the ER in a room, hooked up to life support and such. Family was there. We were all crying. There was talk of donating his organs.

It was horrible.

They moved him to a room in the ICU and told us it would be about an hour before we could go in to see him, but within the next 15 minutes a nurse came in and said we could all go back right then – I knew that was a bad sign. We all stood around and near his bed, listening to the doctor tell us there was no brain activity and that there was nothing else they could do, that he wasn’t going to make it.

What happened next I never expected.

They turned off life support and said ‘it won’t be long’. I was traumatized by that act alone, turning off life support. Within 15 minutes, his heart stopped. My cousin, who I shared so many childhood memories in Greer’s Ferry with, was gone.

I stood there for a moment longer, frozen, but shaking and in tears. I couldn’t speak, or hug anyone. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t. I looked across at his body, at the side of his face. I couldn’t recognize him, he didn’t look like my cousin Buckey. And finally I just couldn’t stand there anymore and I left quickly.

Buckey and I used to go to The Creek behind my great grandmother’s house in Greer’s Ferry and hunt crawdads (crayfish) and we’d fish and play and love childhood. Buckey and I were really close when we were children. We grew apart as we grew older, but I always did think about him and the good times we had.

Like most people, I only want to remember him in those moments so long ago and not the way I saw him today for the last time.

I love you Buckey and you’ll always have a huge place in my heart and in my happiest childhood memories.

I’m going to look in my mom’s old photos to see if she has one of me and Buckey as kids.

Update: My cousin, Angie (Buckey’s sister) sent me this photo of little me and Buckey with my grannie Bradford.